Emotional Sensitivity-The Good, The Ugly
Being emotionally sensitive is not a bad thing in itself, it helps us to be aware of our own feelings and the feelings of others. Emotional sensitivity is a necessary building block for close, satisfying relationships.
Sometimes though, being too sensitive can prove to be a disadvantage. If you are too sensitive you begin to take things personally, you often react defensively to other people, you judge others as being hurtful to you, and your primary interest is in your own experience rather than in what the other person is thinking or feeling.
Also if you are too emotionally sensitive, you will have feelings of anger, frustration, and disappointment in relationships(especially if you have had a bad experience in a previous relationship). You will be constantly aware of mistakes and when others do not meet your expectations,you are harsh in your judgments of them and, sometimes secretly, you are even more critical of yourself.
These and lots more show why it is imperative you have to has to balance sensitivity with self awareness, confidence and flexibility or else every one will begin to ask why you over-react everyday on trivial things.
Controlling Emotional Sensitivity
Being emotionally sensitive can be a valuable quality when it is tied directly to emotional awareness. We will now talk about things you must do to control your emotions and move from being being too sensitive to becoming emotionally aware.
Know Yourself And Explore Your Feelings
Your emotional sensitivity is the key to understanding your own emotional experience and the emotions of others. But your work must begin with you. You cannot develop emotional intimacy with others until you understand and have become comfortable with your own emotional experience. Your emotions are the signals that identify what parts of you need to be healed. Here are things you must know and try out:
Your Sensitivity Is Who You Are
You have to get to know yourself. This means that you must stop focusing on how others seem to be hurting and disappointing you. You must pay attention to your own inner experience, learn to understand the different parts of you, and make friends with yourself. This is not easy to do. You have to be honest with yourself and quit justifying why you are right and why everyone else is wrong.
None of us enjoys being confronted with our own bad behaviour, our ugly thoughts, or our mean-spirited feelings. But this is the source of your painful emotions and your difficulties with others. Let us discuss things you can do more in details
If you cannot really admit if you are overly emotionally sensitive sensitive or not, the first way is to look for yourself a questionnaire (answering questions), such as the emotionally sensitive person. Now answer honestly and these questions can help you to reflect on your feelings and experiences.
Write Down What You Feel
By keeping an “emotions journal” with you, it will help you to understand your feelings and responses. Also, it will provide information about your reaction to being fair or inappropriate. Write down the feelings you have at a particular time, and then reflect on why you have experienced this kind of experience. Here are some pointing questions you should find answers to:
- How do I feel at this time?
- Have I ever felt like this before?
- What really happened which caused me to behave or react like this?
- Whenever I feel like this, then what should I do?
You can also write a one-time entry. Write down some such phrases, such as “I’m feeling bad” or “I am getting annoyed.” Set a two-minute timer and then write down all those things in your life, which is related to this feeling. Do not prevent your emotions from editing or checking. Just give them a name for now.
As soon as you do this, then pay attention to whatever you have written. Are you able to see a pattern in it? The spirit behind this reaction? For example, anxiety is always born out of fear, by losing someone’s grief, by saying something to someone angry.
Carefully analyse your entries. For your emotions, do not try to justify yourself. Remember that, you may not be able to control your initial feelings, but you can manage your reaction to those emotions.
Identify the causes of your sensitivity
You may have wondered about the real reason behind your over-sensitive behaviour. Well, it may be that your brain has set a “tied reaction” for any particular stimulation, such as the feeling of stress or anxiety. And over time, you have gotten used to this pattern, so without thinking about it whenever the situation replays itself you react involuntarily.
The good thing is that you have a brain that can train again and develop new patterns.
Now next time, whenever you feel some feeling, like teasing, worry, or anger, then stop what you are doing at that time and then focus your attention on any good experience.
By pausing, by focusing on your thoughts, and by separating the pathways of these explanations, we can change the “preconnected” habits of our brain.
We mentioned this earlier. You could write diaries or journals can also help you with this. Every time you think you are responding emotionally, try writing something about it immediately(when you became emotional, how you were feeling, what your body’s consciousness experienced, what you were thinking). Pen down all the details of that situation. Knowing all of this will help you to respond differently next time.
Are you dependent on someone else?
A dependent person is one who relies on someone else in almost everything. Do you feel that your own identity and your value depends totally another person’s reactions and actions?
It may be that you begin to feel that your life means just sacrificing for your partner. And if your partner does not like any of your feelings or any work you do, then you start depressed entirely. Here are some other indications of this especially in relationships
Over dependence problems can be treated. For this to do a professional mental health counseling, it would be a better idea, though there are some other support groups for this, such as Co-Dependents Anonymous, who can help you.
Let it run slowly
Detecting your emotional problems and correcting it immediately is almost totally impossible. Do not put excess pressure on yourself trying to get it done in a jiffy. To improve yourself, it is essential to get out of the scope of your security, but together, doing everything quickly, you are going to get a failure.
Create a worthwhile goal and try to achieve it one at a time. Create some time for this and it does not have to be every day so it would not affect your every day life or other activities. You have to face your sensitivity and correct things you set out to achieve gradually. Each success you have no matter how small will be a victory that will improve your confidence.
Be prepared to accept your feelings, your emotions
Your goal is not to get yourself rid of all emotional sensitivity. Do not try to suppress or reject your emotions, it can be detrimental to you. You have to accept some of your “unhealthy” emotions, such as anger, grief, fear, and regret as much as your “positive” emotions of happiness and happiness. It is necessary for your emotional health. Just try to make a balance.
Recognize the habit of concluding and try to overcome it
Whenever you enter a conclusion, then you make a negative impression of any circumstance without any evidence. Reaching conclusions is another habit that can get you to over react especially if your conclusions are nothing but misconceptions.
Imagine for example, if you called your and he/she did not pick the call. You had to send a message and they still did not responded for a long time, then you start thinking that they are ignoring you. Well, you do not have any proof of your thinking, but still, you are getting hurt by force, or you are getting annoyed.
Or rather, you assume that there must be a problem causing him/her to ignore you, probably because that person is hiding some truth from you. Then you directly conclude that now your relationship is breaking up.
This is one of the biggest examples, but it reflects the logical constraint present in your thoughts, which can happen at that time when you conclude directly. And it will add fuel to your emotional outburst.
Why not replace this with openness and honesty? Before ever accusing or blaming someone, try to find out just once, that what is going on after all.
Sometimes you might be justified after-all and your instincts would turn out to be correct, but you have to be careful do not get in the habit of concluding all the time.
Correcting Emotional Sensitivity
When you are successfully able to identify things that trigger your emotional outbursts and avoid some of your previous habits that might add up to causing increased emotional sensitivity, you have to take needed actions to balance your emotions. Here are added things you can do to correct the situation.
Meditation, especially meditation with a conscious mind, will help you to identify your emotional responses and manage them. Also, it controls the overwhelming response in your mind. Take time to meditate on your findings and steps you need to take to correct them, consider other better ways to react if some situations were to repeat itself in the future.
Improve your communication
Sometimes people become over-sensitive only because they feel that they cannot present their wishes, desires, and feelings the way they want. This can be a source of frustration and thus subsequent emotional outbursts.
By working on your communication skills, you will be able to present your affections and feelings in a better way with others, and people will start listening and appreciating you.
If you recognise already that you have problem of overly being emotionally sensitive, do not try to dominate all your conversations with people or else you will feel bad. Always give the person the chance to share his feelings and experiences too.
Be Calm Before reacting
In every case be a better listener and try to weigh you responses before answering. If you always try to maintain this, no matter how much your emotions are provoked, you are less likely to say or do something which may lead you to regret. In any case, give yourself a little time before giving any reaction, even if it is only a couple of minutes.
Always focus on the good in others. If your feelings are hurt, then do not assume that all this is deliberate: Show sensitized understanding with everyone, whether they are your friends, your beloved companions, or any other person who made a mistake. And if you are feeling hurt, find the best time to express it to the one who wronged you. Do not assume it was deliberate.
Keep in mind that it is not necessary that all people like to talk about their feelings. If your close ones do not want to talk to you about it immediately, then you do not need to take it on yourself. That does not mean that you have done something wrong.
If necessary, seek professional help
You can actually succeed managing your emotional sensitivity. Sometimes though, you need more support. A trained counselor or a therapist will teach you to find out about the harmful ways of thinking, and also teach you to manage your emotions safely.
If you are dealing with emotional sensitivity, be patient. Emotional development like physical development,takes time. Correcting it will not be different. You will learn from your mistakes. However, the more you get better at managing your emotions, the better you will be at dealing with issues as they arise.