5 Ways to Diffuse Your anger

To better understand how to stop before losing control, let's look at the cycle of anger. First you have a trigger event. This would be something like feeling disrespected or used, or someone interrupting you in traffic. This is followed by negative thoughts. These are automatic thoughts that appear in your mind right after the trigger event. Then you have an emotional response to your thinking, even if your thinking is not rational. The next step in the cycle is the physical symptoms. Like a racing heart, sweaty palms or even tense muscles and clenching your jaw. Then you have the behavioral response of shouting, cursing and arguing or even crying.

So, with this cycle, you have things in your head that lead to behaviors. There are different places in this cycle that you can change to address anger. This video is focused on behavioral response.

Technique 1: practice taking 3 deep breaths before responding. This gives you the opportunity to resist attacking automatically. Many times the anger response is impulsive and if you could have waited for even 5 seconds, you may have had the control to say nothing hurtful that you cannot recover.

Technique 2: develop canned responses to controversial topics. If you are always surrounded by people who like to enter into political discussions and their opinions are opposed to yours, you already want to know what to say to close the conversation or make it clear that you have no comments.

Prepare a couple of statements that you can use for any topic or situation that you know triggers it. If someone tries to repeatedly involve you in the conversation or activity you are avoiding, use the broken registration technique where you give the same answer. You don't need to create another answer, so they get it this time. Saying the same thing in the same tone sends a stronger message that you want to say what you said.

Technique 3: Develop statements that diminish the situation before getting too angry. These would be statements like
I need to take a break
I need a break, we can talk later
Or the classic, maybe we should agree not to agree with this

These are canned statements similar to statements without comments, but the purpose of these statements is to stop a conflict in which you have already participated but acknowledge that it is getting too hot for you and is about to explode.
This is where it is useful to know what your physical symptoms are when you start to get angry or angry. This is step 4 in the cycle of anger. Are you starting to sweat? Does your chest get hot? Knowing this about you can help you recognize when you are on the path of anger and know when to use this technique.

Technique 4: stop and observe your anger. Examine it as if it were someone else in the room looking at it. What do you look like? Do you look intensely angry because you are throwing things? Or do you seem insolent and excited? Are you talking out loud or reflecting in your head? When you disconnect from your anger and observe it consciously, it takes away your energy. This gives you time to avoid lashing out.

Technique 5: use detours. Suppose you move away from the situation, by using the third technique of closing things with a timeout statement. Do something to distract yourself, such as listening to music, taking a short walk or even coloring. Coloring complex drawings is a popular technique to reduce stress.

Anger video
Anger affirmation meditation

Want to know more about mental health and self improvement? In this channel I discuss issues such as bipolar disorder, major depression, anxiety disorders, attention deficit disorder (ADHD), relationships and personal development / self-improvement. I upload weekly. If you don't want to miss a video, click here to subscribe.

Disclaimer: All information on this channel is for educational purposes and is not intended to be specific / personal medical advice from me for you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments / questions does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help you prepare for discussion with your doctor.

Video credits to Dr. Tracey Marks YouTube channel

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5 Ways to Diffuse Your anger

Comments 43

  1. Can i ask a quick question does lyrica pills put weight on i see a big change in my body from I started taking them.& iam on a healthy diet I don't know how & why this has happened Please can you help me & let me know thanks

  2. Hi doctor tracy mark we know that antidepressants could trigger hypomania in bipolar 2 patients but if someone took lamictal along his antidepressants medications does it prevent mixed
    states or hypomania from happening?

  3. I have high blood pressure and severe social anxiety. This is Perfect timing. I had a very intense reaction to some questionable rhetoric and buzz words a co worker was using that were bordering on racism and religion. I tried to continue working, I got so heated I did yell Stop Talking about this, and before I said anymore I walked, Did a countdown, and came back silent. It was the first time people saw me angry. I am a very nice person, but I do Not tolerate hate speech. I admit I could have e handled it better. I was def caught off guard.This will help. I am making the list of responses. Thank you my dear.

  4. Hi, I know you're doing a series on anger right now, but could you please also do a video on recovering from meds( anti depressants) sometime in the future

  5. Hi Tracey, love you videos. Can you make a video about what to do when you are the toxic person in a relationship and/or causing emotional stress to a sibling/family member. How can one overcome this and improve the relationship

  6. I love the political focus. I always tell people that I don't talk politics with people I game with (whether it's board games or card games or video games) because my feelings affect the game we are playing.

  7. I started intermittent fasting therapy I don’t get anger angry issues like I used too.. am more calm. All should try fast over 24 hours. Thanks

  8. Bullshit and my manager playing devil’s advocate on me get me so angry… so every time I see my manager on a one-on-one meeting I end up so confused and frustrated !!! Talks with him feel like entering a never-ending maze… I don’t even remember what topics i wanted to bring up!!! Mental games.

  9. Thank you for this video, Dr. Marks. My son is in law enforcement and he uses the "broken record" response you mention @3:48 . He finds it's very good for de-escalating a situation. Someone is DYING to provoke him, but he uses a neutral voice and repeats the same response. They get tired of it pretty quickly and calm down.

  10. This was one of the most useful videos of seen. One that I will implement in my everyday life. Thank you for all the hard work you do. My physical symptoms can also be dizziness and an immediate onset headache.

  11. cant wait for the next epss!! i just re-reading my diary and i just knew that i have this kind of "circle" of anger when my manic eps come. when im at manic eps i became so flirty, and i could say im really good at it. but when i dont get a respond that i wanted i started feel dissapointed and angry to them then i hurt their feeling and ofc the next eps is me being sad and thinking why would i hurt them 😅😅

  12. Another very informative (and useful!) video, Dr. Marks. I wanted to ask if you could please make a video on grief/grieving, as it is something we all have to go through at some point and I feel that even just understanding the process better might help. Thanks 🙂

  13. Very helpful! I realized a few weeks ago that I have some anger management issues when my son asked me why I get so mad when we’re stuck in traffic… I realized my heart would literally be racing in these instances and I wouldn’t be talking like myself. And you’re right even just taking five seconds and thinking about what I say before I say it has lessened my reactions to those kind of feelings. You’re the best and your videos are so so important ♥️♥️

  14. Sometimes it harder to disengage because it happens so quickly. My job has been very stressful lately and I tend to get mad so I find walking away and deep breathing really helps. Thank you for the very informative video!

  15. This is off the topic.but I hope you have some insight.can panic attacks cause immobility?I'm in a personal situation.that's causing pain and it is caused major stress and anxiety.all my arms and legs get stiff .with other symptoms too?pls if you can.sorry for the crazy typing a little out of it.

  16. Very Awesome Tracy!! I so Love your Work!! Im going too share this with the Veteran World im Influencing and Helping I am Grateful for your Videos and agree with Much of your Ideas!! However idk where you Went to School at but you are a very Small section Of Drs that actually thick like you do in your Field!! I know i give Lectures to Trained Doctors on these Subjects!! And you are a Gem 💎 have a Blessed day my Sister💜💜🇺🇸

  17. Hi Dr. Marks.. This was very good & helpful.. I think the 🌎 need to hear and watch this video ' I will be sharing as always with family & friend's Thank you enjoy the rest of your week💓

  18. I love your videos, but are you aware that you have very condescending facial expressions and tone of voice?
    You obviously just want to help people and that's amazing, but I think that is something to be aware about as a psychiatrist.❤️

  19. I need anger and she needs me. She keeps me motivated and staves off the melancholy. Even my thinking improves dramatically. There is too much for me to defend without the aid my queen.

  20. I have serious problems with anger and have never iny life understood why. I was so angry and physically violent as a child my parents sometimes seemed afraid of me. I can come across as friendly, warm, empathetic, and interesting. I am still a little afraid of my anger. This is great advice.

  21. in the 90s I was living in Oklahoma, I'd been there for a few short months and I was about to have my first hospitalization there, I'd had troubles, and I was taken out of school, probably had to stay out for the rest of the semester, and I feared my future was lost, the evening they placed me in intensive care there was a certain other patient I noticed, you know how people can develop what they call ash on their knees and elbows, she had it all over her face, all over her body, she was restless the whole time and occasionally ran and closed herself in the lockdown room and started yelling out chants in a language I couldn't understand, when dinner was served we sat down, she sat beside me, and seemed to double over with delight at seeing me passionately eating up my food, I went back to bed following then, lying on my back in the dark, sleepless, so sad I was plummeting, a certain hour went by and I saw her enter the room, she had apparently sneaked passed the nurse's station, she passed the other men's beds, and she got on top of me, she talked to me quietly, and started using her hands on me, I was suicidal and nothing was changing it, and I felt sorry for her, with her rash instability, I simply let her do what she wanted with me, in some minutes she finished and left,…how common is that story Doctor?

  22. And whenever I lose my mind because of complex while speaking my head start spinning and I feel headache on left side of my head. Please suggest something

  23. I have complex of speaking and I scared while speaking and Its affect my brain and then I feel headache. Please guide how can I get rid of this problem??

  24. Thank you Dr. Marks that was very helpful. Imagine after all I have been through in my life, no one has ever explained this to me the way you just did. You are truly a blessing.

  25. “ common sense is perhaps the most equally divided but surely the most under employed talent in the world”. Christine Collange
    Just use your share of common sense. 😸

  26. Thanks for this informative video… I need to use “I don’t discuss politics without a glass of wine. …” 😂😂😂

  27. Practicing mindfulness can really help in managing your emotions helping you develop the ability to know what’s happening in your head at any given moment without getting carried away by it.

  28. as i write how i deal with anger I keep erasing what I wrote. Now I realize I might not deal with anger very well. hmmmmm…

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