My childhood story, abuse, trauma, complex PTSD, depression and anxiety

The story of my childhood about how I was raised in an abusive home. How it has led me to my complex problems of PTSD, anxiety and depression. Ways you can manage, how I do it. Thanks for listening to my story. If it helped you to feel not only, I would like to know.
Thanks – Hugs and love
Update video:
Most recent update May 2017: Recover your energy –

Video credits to Stefania Czech YouTube channel

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    My childhood story, abuse, trauma, complex PTSD, depression and anxiety

    Comments 28

    1. Stefania, I used to have really bad anxiety and other problems. The tools I am about to give you absolutely changed my anxiety and problems 100%. Try being of service to other people. Everyday ask yourself what you can do to help someone. That attitude of being of service to other people completely changed my problems. They just faded away. It can work for you too!

    2. Is a cycle, break generational curses., maybe u can try n find out what’s wrong w ur mom through therapy. Seems ur mom never got help, don’t stop therapy , I see you have learned a lot from therapy, dnt give up. Hurting people hurt others,

    3. A childhood lasts a lifetime! It ABSOLUTELY does. If people could just understand that– it could end sooo much unnecessary suffering in this world.
      Am curious if your mother abused your sister– or were you singled out (the identifying child)? Was your Dad in the picture at all? Did he ever try to protect/defend you? I'm 57– and I believe I had what is similar to Stockholm Syndrome where I sympathized with my mom (my abuser). I think I began to agree with her, that I was ugly, retarded, ruined her life (I was super quiet and never talked back, but had red hair and freckles). I would never confess it was my mother who gave me my bruises, black eyes, fat lips, etc because I think felt sorry for her, that she might get in trouble– and it would be all my fault. I didn't want to cause anyone ANYONE ANY pain– not even her. She passed away a few years ago but I do wish I had severed our relationship once I was 18 cuz I cared for her (too much so) while my other 5 sibs were not all that kind to her– and yet she still continued to abuse me (emotionally, psychologically). I need to go back to therapy, but am just tired of telling and re-telling the same shit. Just talking about it triggers more pain/PTSD. I wish you the best. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders Just make sure you have boundaries with your kids, but NEVER EVER hit them– ever (but a slight pinch never hurt anyone-haha). And never allow them to yell or hit or mistreat any pets you may have. I think any feeling of superiority can start a cycle of abusive behavior with someone (especially a child). We need to break this cycle- and I think we are. Child absue goes WAAAAY back. Think of old England and Oliver Twist and the likes. :((

    4. Thank you. Bless you. I went through sexual abuse for years. Three family members. Also had an experience with near drowning. My sister beat me and put me inside the water. I was six.
      I am glad you are keeping safe now.

    5. wauw this is horrible, you poor thing, i know trauma bond i also was trauma bonded to my mother, an you believe everything they say

    6. This made me cry. I am only now getting help. Having a child can be a catalyst. I have chronic derealisation. Anxiety and C-ptsd.
      At 13, I was severely abused but unfortunately there were other awfully traumatic incident which compounded things. I shoved it all down, suppressing the anxiety. Ignoring the flashbacks and so forth and living with derealisation for over twenty yrs… It became normal. Then I had my son. The overwhelming love I had was matched by intense fear that something would happen to hurt him. I was obsessed about protecting him. That's when the house of cards went poof. I was left, standing in front of my child-self at 36. Anxiety attacks came (and come) thick and fast. I had vertigo due to my neck muscles being so tight. I started having migraines. Flashbacks. You name it. I finally contacted the police and reported my abuser. Case pending. I am in talk-therapy but it's kinda making me feel worse right now. Your clip made me cry. I empathize so much with you. These things are not talked about alot. It ruins lives, the silence and pretence. For all those suffering. I wish you healing and send so much love. Thank you for making this clip. It helps. We are not alone xx

    7. My heart breaks for you. What really burns me inside is that abusers, whether parent (s), spouses, bullies, whatever form they take, receive NO punishment. It is the abused, the targets (and I'll never say victim, for we are incredibly strong to still be dealing with it all) who suffer the consequences, while they seem to flourish. I still need help, beginning my journey, but my heart cries.

    8. Thank you so much for this video. I have gone through similar experiences throughout my childhood with my father. I am so glad you mentioned that your family wants you to integrate and get over it but it is just too difficult. I had realized with sadness that I would not only have to have no contact with my abuser but also other members of my family as they didn't take my suffering seriously and did not acknowledge the magnitude of the trauma, they are still influenced by him. Again thank you for your honesty and bravery. Maybe one day I'll have as much guts as you and share my story.

    9. Hi..a lot of abusive parents were victims of abuse themselves. They are simply the next perpetrators in the vicious cycle. Knowing this helps to deal with the resentment towards them by mapping the bigger picture of cause and effect. I hope you find peace in your heart..know that you are courageous for sharing this video and helping to break the cycle of abuse everywhere

    10. Believe your truth. Do the work to heal no matter what. I have no contact with family of origin difficult to do but very positive for recovery.

    11. Stefania, I just want to thank you for sharing your story with us. You are a beautiful and intelligent young lady and I wish you happiness. I am subscribing to you. Looking forward to your other videos : )

    12. Thanks for sharing. Your story matters and I hope I can figure out my story and dare to talk about it like this one day. I had several aha-moments during the video. Take care!

    13. Your childhood sounds a lot like mine, although my sister got more of the extreme physical abuse than I did, but I saw it all and lived in constant fear. I did get some of the slapping and hitting, but feared many times for my sister's life.

    14. i can relatw i didnt know mom would hurt me if i was going to get beat or not im abused right now and i have anxiety and depression sucidal thoughts i attempted it so many times im suppose to be in therapy but she said no

    15. You're a very strong lady to have told your story. I do hope that this inspires many other children, experiencing molestation, to do get help. Innocence is such a beautiful thing, and such a horrific thing to have stolen. You seem as though you have a very levelheaded and wise beyond your years. I urge you to be one of thousands making a difference. Please, write your senator and president a letter, asking them to do something about child molestation in America. Ask every one of your friends, family members, and teachers to do the same. Have them ask their friends, families, etc. You can make a difference. If you know Christ, pray that your message is heard. If you don't know Christ, I do hope you meet him down the road. God bless you. You will be in my prayers. <3

    16. Hi Stefania.
      So sad listening to your story.
      I'm the husband of a survivor of abuse.( We're both in our fifties. )Her story is very similar to yours . She has suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. We didn't know why she had depression. It's just something we've lived with. She could still function 80% of the time. She had a complete breakdown 3 years ago We didn't know what caused it until she was referred to a psychologist. She was diagnosed with bi-polar 2 and depression caused by emotional,psychological and physical abuse since birth. She is almost 100% non functioning since her breakdown. I always knew that her mother was controlling but had no idea what had happened in her younger years. Mandy didn't even know it was abuse. She just thought it was the norm. Turns out her mother is a very clever and covert narcissist. We never new what that was. WE KNOW NOW. After some in depth research.
      She's had various group therapy courses that didn't seem to help. Mandy is now getting complex therapy and it is helping. She's been no contact with her mother for 3 years and had to go no contact with the rest of the family for 2 years as they just don't believe her ( or do believe but just don't care). She gets triggered if there is any confrontation from any family members that defends her mother. We now know that her family is the typical dysfunctional narcissistic family. Mother the narc father the enabler older sister the golden child. They all play their roles very well. This is more common than you'd think.
      You seem to be very well informed about the subject and although you seem to be coping I can see your still dealing with it. I see a lot of Mandy in you and my heart breaks for both of you. The way you're protecting your children from it is admirable. No contact is the correct route. You should also cut out anyone who defends her. But I know that talking and crying about it will help in time. Good luck to you and God bless you.

    17. I was just moved in spirit to search youtube. I Entered "Trauma from Childhood & depression" in the search box & here I am with you all… 🙂 I am at a point where I am frustrated & hurt so much inside! I have been taking in positive affirmation audios I tried Christianity for years I have taken in everything from sleep meditation to all the I AM audio books and more… I enjoy  Wayne Dyer to Carlton Person. I watch everything I can on youtube trying to find some understanding & peace. I went through some crazy childhood experience everything from drunken violent dad  crazy mom 3 bro & sis 12 to 21 years older than me all of them mean alcoholics. I was molested from as far back as I can remember not by family . I was also kidnapped by a couple of sick men who forced things on me. I was about 10 when that happened. I escaped from that situation & never told anyone about it till I was married.  I was bullied by my older bros verbally & emotionally abused by my mom dad & others in the family. The molestations were not by family it was from older boys & one young woman in the 2 neighborhoods I lived in from the age of 5 till I was early teen. . This noccured weekly!  I am taking in your experiences & I know your pain. I go to counseling every 2 weeks have been for 5 years now I am 58 yrs old now I still hurt & do not like or trust humanity at all! Sorry but that's what all of that did to my emotional & mental stability…  I take no meds I am in a battle every day to maintain my overall life flow. It is hard to love yourself because you have a feeling inside that says you deserved it you were not a good person you did something wrong to cause people to  do what they did. It sucks! I am glad I came to this page I am going to take in all I can from other peoples stories & vids. Thank you for your courage & sharing this video!!!!

    18. I am calling here for CSA survivors to add comments on

      where viewers are supporting Elizabeth Loftus. You may have heard of this woman. She specializes in research into false memories, which in itself would be fine if it were only in support of the wrongfully accused, but her testimony has been used against incest victims who knew their torturers and could not possibly have been mistaken about their identity, and her findings on faulty retention of trivial details in one’s field of vision have been applied to devastating violations as if there is no difference between the two. This is a truly evil woman, and there is a nest of her supporters at the URL given above. Please bring your truth and morality to bear upon this seedbed of evil. Thank you.

    19. I just watched your video and just want to say thank you for being so brave! I am in the lengthy and challenging process of diagnosing, after several different doctors and therapists and my mother have been suspecting me having ptsd from a complex trauma pattern in my childhood. sexual abuse and emotional abuse from my father who is at least a narcisist if not a sociopath. So even though I was never beaten, something about your story ressonated with me, and it actually triggered a flashback of a memory have repressed. That may sound bad, but it is really helping me puzzle my story together as a major part of my symptoms are memory loss and black outs. So thank you! And I know the video is two years old, but I wish you the best on your journey to recovery!

    20. I want to thank you for being so brave. I thought I was alone. Our stories are very similar in many areas. I can't go into my story as I sit here and cry for your pain. Even though I do not know you, I love you. <3

    21. I am 17 years old and my father was abusive to me when I was growing up as a kid around the age of 6 my dad hit me in the head for the first time and that's when I started to fear for my life when I got home from school cuz I did not know what would happen the next day and he left to where he came from and from him hitting me for a long time in the head I have now ptsd

    22. Who gives a damn about the adults who were victims of child abuse? I have CPTSD because of a violent mother who everyone else thought was a saint. I'm a SSI disability because I cant work and I cant even get the necessary care because it costs too much. I have a crisis worker who promised me the world in terms of support and care, but now she wont even return voice messages. Adult survivors are invisible, so where do we go for care and treatment because a violent parent took our childhood away from us?

    23. I am struggling with anger at your mother right now. I really hate her. It will pass, because investing hatred into someone so useless is useless.

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