Living with Depression; My Story


First of all, I regret the edition that my camera was still cutting (I do not know why)

Depression and anxiety is a disease like any other, is dangerous and endangers life. This is my story from the early stages of my depression to the life-destroying emptiness in which it has now become. My story follows events in my life that have prompted my D & A, how it has affected my life, how I deal with things. Finally I am telling my story in the hope that someone will see it and know that it does not have to let it get that far, there are ways and there is a way out. I will help you and you are not alone. We have to start coping with mental illness for many of us. "We change the world by helping the person next to us," that's exactly what we need to start helping each other.

Contact:

instagram.com/IAMSOPHZ

Eckhart Tolle – The power of now

Video credits to Sophie Mercer YouTube channel





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    Living with Depression; My Story

    Comments 33

    1. First of all, Sophie, thank you for being so frank about your feelings and experiences.

      In some ways I can track so closely with you. My depression also started in adolescence, but I didn't understand that what I was feeling wasn't normal until I was forty. I am also gay, but I didn't realize it until I was forty (a consequence of getting my depression somewhat under control). I've never attempted suicide, but I've definitely thought about it more than once. Unlike you, I can't say that there has ever been a time in my life that I've ever been truly happy.

      Like you, my depression has cost me relationship, however in my case it's more the people it has kept me from ever meeting. I've never had a true friend that cared about me the way I cared about them. All the "friends" I've had have been users and takers, willing to let me do all the giving. Depression has destroyed my self-esteem. I did finally get rid of all the "takers" in my life, but that has left me with no friends other than my sister. Like your sister, mine is my best friend, the only person in this world I can truely count one no matter what.

      I'm sorry for rambling on so much, but I just had my first session with a psychologist yesterday and then watching your video brought out so much. I'm going to be turning 57 years old tomorrow and I honestly don't see my life ever getting any better than it is right this minute. And that is a truely sad thing.

    2. S ophie mercer , this made me tear up. This is well related and for me. I have depression but don't know who to trust with it and can't tell anyone about it bc it makes me feel nothing and a burden to my family and friends and bf

    3. You're an amazing women♥ thank u for sharing ur story♥♥ i can relate so much to ur words..stand up for urself.. be strong

    4. I know you have made this video two years ago so I don't know if you will read my comment. I am currently dealing with depression, I can relate so much about your story about family, sexuality, isolation. I am in a place now that I don't leave my bed pretty much all day and it has been six months… I would love to know where you are now and how you feel ? I love that you mentioned Eckhart Tolle because his books helped me a lot with depression in past years. I wanted to thank you for this video because you allowed yourself to tell a part of your story, honestly, and through this I think everybody can tell that you are beautiful inside and out. I hope to hear about you thank you again (and sorry for my english mistakes, i am french)

    5. idk if ur athiest or not ( im athiest btw) but if u are do u belive in the big bang theory? and if so dont u think that beliving in the theory is just like beliveing in God because just like God we dont hav any solid evidence of him happening just like the big bang theory? I just thought about that the other day and it scared the hell out of me cause i use to blindly belived in the big bang theory and i realized that its very hyprocritical because its the litterally exact same thing tbh keyword (THEORY) not big bang FACT. so after realizing that, wen i think hard about it, the idea of a God creating all this makes more sence then a big bang creating a world were humans can survive in everyway, a world filled with water, food, tools just fuking everything we need to survive and evolve into wat the world is now. like think about it really fuking think, luck is rare af if somthing so lucky like that can happen then y dosent it happen all the time? just food 4 thought im still athiest tho cause i still dont know wats real but one of these days ima pray 4 5 hours with an honest heart asking if hes real and see if i get an answer. i challenge u to do the same but ask with an honest heart , dont fuking half ass it cause i heard somone say once that if u ask with an honest heart then ull recive an answer so just fuking do it seriously cause if he is real we need love we need happyness . i heard somone spiritual say to me once that were put here on this earth to be tested thats y we go through hard times and y bad things happen to innocent ppl because we all hav free will and thats y crazy shit happens cause ppl choose to do those crazy things to those ppl and were alowed 2 cause God needs to test us to see who we trully are if were worthy of a heaven. that makes sence to me but im still atheist cause i would need an answer from God and apperently religious ppl say that he answer prayers. so u know wat lets see i challenged u lets see

    6. As someone who´s been dealing with depression, I just want to tell you that changing your perspective can do miracles. If you stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing yourself as a survivor, the depression will not have that much hold of you. Research law of attraction and positive thinking. Good luck!

    7. I've watched a lot of YouTube, but never felt the need to comment until now. It took a lot of courage to make this video and you speak for a lot of people. Although this video was inspired from a place of pain, it is amazing to see how true you are to yourself and the world. From my experience, like you, I do believe depression is a physical disease just like cancer. Hopefully there will be better treatment in the future, there is some interesting stuff in the pipeline right now. I actually read The Power of Now recently 🙂

    8. Wish you well. Thank you very much for sharing. I am currently going through a really low point and while a little sadistic it does help to know im not alone in my suffering. After watching this i wish i was alone in my suffering if it meant you were better. Hope you have a great day if you ever see this.

      Love from Canada

    9. I feel like nothing will ever change, I overdosed in March, but nothing's changed. depression is so powerful and deep and I'm so sorry for what you have been through! You're so strong and brave to be doing this! 2k17 here 🙂

    10. You're such a brave person for doing this video. It hurts me to see you in pain, i wish I could hug you and take your pain away.
      You're so beautiful inside and out.

    11. I wanted to hug you throughout the whole video. You are such a loving person. It takes a lot of guts to open up and post a video like this..I can relate to you as a fellow sufferer of depression…and social anxiety.
      Greetings from Greece

    12. I have problem of depression and i'm struggling with it like you😊You're not alone. Can we be friend ?

    13. Sending healing hugs and much much love Sophie.
      I can so relate to what you are saying and experiencing…I almost drowned when I was a teen…went through a very bad divorce after 20 years of marriage (my family was my life and the Ex had been having numerous affairs) myself and my children went through hell and I tried to take my life twice during the divorce the first time I tried hanging, the second overdose of pills…(After the divorce I spoke to a therapist and we discovered I was Transgender M2F and eventually had to give up my Electrical career when I Transitioned.)
      I met a good friend from the USA when we both had SRS in Montreal, Canada.
      Four months after surgery she flew me to Seattle, Washington USA and we had an amazing week together. After I few home we stayed in touch and she begged me to move to Vancouver, BC Canada (even offering me money to help me move… she knew I didn't have much as I had to pay for my Surgery and recovery with my retirement funds. And after I came out as Trans Gender, Trades people were not accepting of me so I had difficulty finding and keeping steady work) she said she. "didn't care about the money she just wanted me to be closer to her"… a few months later she committed suicide. To this day I wonder if I had moved when she asked… Would she still be alive?
      I found work after in the Grip and Electrics Departments of the Film & Television Industry.
      And worked on Concerts like Brad Paisley, Brian Adams, Sarah Macgloclan, etc. As well as work for a local Theater moving Stage Sets.
      Sadly, the provincial government cut the tax credit to the Film & Television industry forcing many of us to move…some to Toronto and others like me to Vancouver.
      Four days after my arrival, after driving clear across Canada, I was in a Motor Vehicle Accident ( My new car was totaled and I was on my way to the hospital) I had a concussion, back and neck injuries. I have lived in pain for the past two years…I've been diagnosed with Cronic Pain, PTSD and depression. (I was bullied in High School and the depression and Suicidal Ideation began then and got worse with each Traumatic event life threw at me.)
      I am now on disability and my Doctor and Occupational Therapist say I can't go back to the heavy lifting and standing I once did In the Film Industry…I have to retrain for an office related job. I
      have been admitted to the Psychiatric Hospital twice since the accident, two years ago, because I have been in pain every day since and grieving the loss of a promising career in Film & Television where my work was valued and I was accepted as a human being.
      I have been withdrawn, isolated, felt very alone and worthless, a burden to everyone around me, as you say, and felt they would all be better off if I were dead.
      I cry at the drop of a hat, wake in the middle of the night crying uncontrollably and begging God to just let me die, wanting to escape my life and the pain…just wanting peace, and experience panic attacks and anxiety at the sound of screeching tires and crashing metal…
      Recently I was invited to speak at a Pain Summitt during which many people came up to tell me how much my story helped them and how brave and strong they thought I was…
      I said, "If you could see me at 2 and 3 am crying uncontrollably you wouldn't think I was strong." But they said there are many ways to be strong and crying is not a weakness.
      Anyway, Sophie. There is a lot more I could say about other things I have experienced in my life but I think you understand…
      Sending you much love and suport…try and take life one day at a time.
      I also try and count my blessing and the people and things I am grateful for.
      For one thing…I'm no longer homeless and living in Women's Shelters downtown. I now have my own apartment. Life's not perfect but I'm working on it and it is better than it was. Huge huge hugs! (I give hugs and smiles away for free and when people thank me for doing them a good deed…I tell them no need for thanks… just pay it forward.) 🙂

    14. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do not like to see young people suffer like this.

      I hope your life is better now.
      I have had depression most of my life, and what you said, affected me deeply.
      I wish I had your courage at such a young age. take care 😊 love and peace Brian

    15. I understand what you're going through! I have a lot of empathy for you. Stay strong , you're beautiful inside and out!

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