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Like many brothers and sisters, Elyse and her brother did not always get along. But, like most of the brothers and sisters, they loved each other and they both knew it, and they were very close. But over time, as they grew older, her brother suffered from severe depression, and Elyse could not do many things, although it was difficult and sad for her and her family. He was not always depressed, but when he was, it was really terrible.
One day, Elyse took a class trip, a full weekend and lots of fun. On their first night, they were all having dinner together in a restaurant, when their teacher received a phone call. Elyse watched as she answered the phone and suddenly a look of anguish and terror seized her. The teacher pushed Elyse away and, with tears in her eyes, told her that they had just found her brother, in the bathroom, without life.
Elyse left the trip early and went home. The police were there, and although she wanted to see her brother for the last time, say goodbye, even though she was not there anymore, her parents would not leave her, they did not want her to see him, nor remember him in that way. .
The funeral was so horrible, painful and depressing. Everyone was still in shock, crying. They opened their coffin so that people could see him and say goodbye, but Elyse did not dare to approach him, it was too overwhelming and she collapsed, at that very moment and at her funeral. I could not stand it, I just wanted to leave, be at home, shut up and get away from everything. She did not stay to see him buried. She could not.
Elyse was very sad, scared and lonely. She stayed in her room for days, unable to stop crying, and her mother brought her food and controlled her, but she was not hungry, she could not eat. He lost almost 30 pounds, was not sleepy or greeted, but finally began to leave his room and, allowing himself to know, and feel, and perhaps accept that his brother was gone, that he had lost him forever.
Everyone had their own way of dealing with pain. His parents essentially blocked his room and never went in there. After almost three months, Elyse finally regained her strength to return to school, and it was difficult when she did. He felt everyone watching her, whispering to each other, as if they could not believe that he had returned to school and tried to behave normally.
She started talking to a therapist, which helped slowly, and her mother did everything she could to help Elyse and her sister overcome the pain.
One day, Elyse came home from school and saw her mother talking to a carpenter. They were making plans to put a permanent wall on the door of his brother, to block him forever. Elyse did not want that to happen, and tried to convince her parents that she was not well, but they were determined to do it, they were going to do it anyway.
Before they lifted the wall, Elyse snuck into her room one last time, and she took out everything she wanted to keep to remember it. The main thing he took was his hockey trophy: he loved playing hockey and had always been so proud of his champion trophy. But the trophy mocked her, reminded her that her brother had been lost and gone, but that she was fine, that she did not want to forget him.
She visits the cemetery a lot, sits down next to her tombstone and talks to him. She misses him so much, all the time, and every day, even so, she asks herself "what could I have done?"
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